Wipeout

How in the world can you describe “Wipeout” in a way that can truly tell people who haven’t seen it what it’s all about?  Well…at least describe it in a way that doesn’t make you cringe when you say “big red balls”.

It’s billed as a show where people compete on the “world’s largest obstacle course”. But in reality, it’s just a way to show people falling, getting hit in the face (or other parts of the body that make one chuckle), falling some more, and generally “wiping out” in ways that you never see in real life. Because the show is done with foam obstacles and involves water, the contestants rarely get injured so that makes it fun to laugh at their expense.

C’mon…haven’t you seen a small child fall down and want to snicker just a little bit, but you couldn’t because they were hurt?  This is the adult version and it’s safe…so it’s fun for all to point and laugh.

The show itself was inspired by Japanese game shows like Takeshi’s Castle, which has had a cult following for years (it was on back in the 80′s) and it also showcased people being embarrassed for a multitude of reasons.

I have to admit to being a fan.  I had to stop watching it with my son, though, because even though he loved it and laughed all the way through (awww…such a great father/son bonding moment), he began jumping from one piece of furniture to the other in an attempt to copy what he was seeing.  NOT what I had in mind.

But yet here I am…still writing about a show I can watch at any time day or night and, regardless of whether or not I’ve seen it before, I’ll laugh each and every time.

Am I proud of it?  Not really.  It’s a VERY silly show.  But the fact that I’m not proud to watch it and yet I continue to watch it is the very definition of guilty pleasure.

Sigh…I love you, Wipeout.

Post-breakdown Britney Spears

It may be hard to remember, but there was a time when Britney Spears was “all that and a bag of Doritos”.  She was new to the music scene…was young, hot, and sang really catchy pop songs.

Honestly…for a very long time it appeared as though Britney could do no wrong.

Then something happened.  That something was a break-up with the (supposed) love of her life, Kevin Federline.  Similar to how Bobby Brown destroyed Whitney Houston’s career while they were together, Federline appeared to destroy Spears’ career once they split up.

Please…how many female pop stars shave their head for no reason and then attack photographers with an umbrella?

Everybody assumed her career was over.  There were conservatorship issues, child custody issues, and a HUGE public image issue to overcome.  I guess the moral to the story here is to never count out talent. Or Britney.

Blackout was released in 2007 and, while not the mega-smash she was used to, was still pretty successful…eventually selling over 3 million copies worldwide and proving that her fans were willing to forgive her for being bat-shit insane. Now, I was never a fan of the album but try as I might, I couldn’t resist the catchy single “Piece of me” (the first single, “Gimme more”, was actually her first top 5 single since “Baby one more time”).

Circus came next, as did the hit single “Womanizer“. The single itself sold over 3 million copies (probably helped by the fact that she was naked in the video) and helped the album became one of the biggest of 2008.

Do you see where I’m going here?

This was followed-up by 2011′s Femme Fatale, which is now on it’s third single “I wanna go“.

It has really gotten to the point where it is almost cool to like Britney Spears again.  ALMOST.

At the end of the day, Britney is still a low-class redneck chick who just happens to be extremely hot and makes fun pop music that people listen to. Honestly…if she entered the entertainment industry at this stage in her life, would anything other than pornography even be an option for her?

On top of everything else, she’s an in-studio artist who can’t seem to find a single note to sing live yet people flock to her concerts by the thousands. Try explaining THAT one to me.  Did we not learn anything from Milli Vanilli?

You don’t want to admit it…but you like her.  You listen to her.  You ENJOY her.

She has now become a guilty pleasure.

TMZ

Let’s face it…we all realize that TMZ is the lowest form of “journalism” you can find online.  At least it’s the lowest form you can find before the “journalists” being to make things up.

TMZ appears to have been created to make you, the NON-celebrity, feel better about yourself.

They insult celebrities…they mock celebrities…they post the worst pictures of celebrities…they ambush celebrities with their cameras…they appear to revel in ruining any respect that a celebrity may have.  And they do it all without apologies.  By all accounts we…as the general reading public…should be disgusted by this website.

But we’re not.

No, we’re drawn to TMZ like flies to manure.  We’re excited to see what the next scandal will be and how TMZ will analyze it and break it down.  We don’t normally believe news stories about celebrity deaths until TMZ has confirmed them. We can’t wait to hear about the tiniest detail about a celebrity’s life.

Obviously, there’s the question on whether or not this says more about us as people than it does about the website itself. When you think about it, is TMZ any different than the National Enquirer was back in their heyday in the 80′s? Probably not, but with the world in a different place now and everything available readily online, it just seems that the meaner TMZ (and other sites like Radar Online) gets, the more people flock to their site.

And what’s worse is that they publish stories on practically anything remotely related to celebrity.  I mean, do we really need to know how big a television or movie star’s on-set trailer is? Do we really need to know how a celebrity’s offspring needed to get bailed out of prison for a minor offense? Do we really need to see a picture of a celebrity mid-chewing of food so they look absolutely ridiculous?

Of course not.  But TMZ isn’t about “need”,  it’s about “want”.  And this, kids, is why it’s a guilty pleasure.  We really REALLY shouldn’t enjoy TMZ on almost any level, yet we do.  It’s one of the most popular websites in cyberspace…and we’re all to blame thank for that.

I really think a recent “Weird Al” Yankovic release says it best in a song called (aptly enough) TMZ:

You’re sort of famous
A minor celebrity
And so it only makes sense
The world would be
Obsessed with every
Single thing you do
They’re running ’round
With their camcorders in the night
They’re lurking patiently
And hoping that they just might
See something real embarrassing
You do
A bad hair day and sweat-stained T-shirt
That’s the story that
They’re gonna feature
With exclusive pics
Of your flabby behind
You think you’re all alone
But that’s right when you’ll find

A bunch of paparazzi
Popping out of nowhere
Cameras in your face
And then suddenly
You’re on TMZ
You’re on TMZ

Following you
When you’re walking down the street
And asking stupid questions
While you’re trying to eat
So you cover your face
Thinking to yourself
“Hey, isn’t this creepy?”

And they’re out there praying
You’ll have a big meltdown
And take ‘em on a little car chase
Through this whole town
They’ll be there with you
When you’re going to jail
First on the scene
For every wardrobe fail

You just picked up some transvestite
Seconds later
It’s up on the website
Get a Vegas wedding
A quickie divorce
And they’ll be
Sneaking in
Snapping pictures, of course

And if they ever catch you
Picking your nose or
Storming down the street
On a drunken spree
You’re on TMZ

Stalking you, just waiting by your front door
Trailing you through
Airport security
They’re with TMZ

They’re with TMZ

Oh, let me tell you
It’s getting to the point
Where a famous person can’t
Even get a D.U.I
Or go on a racist rant
Those guys are all around
So you really shouldn’t dare
Go to every club in town
If you’ve flaunt your underwear

Seems that every single time
A star decides to shave their head
Or ram their car into a tree
They’re on TMZ

If they catch you peeing in the bushes
Later on, that night
Well, I guarantee
You’re on TMZ
You’re on TMZ

You’re on TMZ

Every single celebrity
Knows they’re gonna be

They’re on TMZ

Rick Astley

C’mon now…you and I both know that if you’ve been on the internet at all within the past decade, you’ve probably been a victim of “Rickrolling” at least once.

Seriously…it’s a freakin’ phenomenon!! He even appeared live to “Rickroll” the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade a few years ago:

And don’t try telling me that you hate the song, either.  All it takes is just one listen and you find yourself tapping your foot or humming the song in your head…whether you want to or not.

Astley first hit the music scene in 1987 with the release of that smash single, “Never Gonna Give You Up”. What happened in the years that followed was nothing short of amazing.

Millions of records sold…a number of hit singles (although none as big as his original release)…and fans worldwide.

But then the backlash began.

Astley was seen as an example of what was wrong with the music business in the late 8o’s.  He was considered “manufactured” and the music “soulless”. It became a joke to enjoy his music and, thus, his career kinda drifted off into the abyss.

Then that whole “Rickroll” started a few years ago and something funny happened…people began to become fans of Rick Astley again. As much as it was initially meant to be some kind of cruel joke, it’s eventually backlashed a bit and is no longer funny…it’s catchy!!

How popular has he become again?  Astley has toured the past couple of years, appeared on numerous television shows, and has even been working on a new album.

Ask the general population just how much they love Rick Astley and you’re bound to get a lot of negative replies.

But isn’t that what a guilty pleasure is all about?  You know you love the guy. How can you not?  Just look at that hair!!

The Dukes of Hazzard

They’re just good ol’ boys who don’t mean any harm.

And there’s something intoxicating about watching a redneck family wearing tight jeans running moonshine and jumping cars over rivers.

There…that pretty much sums up the entire series, doesn’t it?

Bo and Luke Duke were popular for two reasons: all men wanted to be them and all women wanted to be with them. They drove all around Hazzard County, Georgia in a modified 1969 Dodge Charger RT, doing their best to stay on their best behaviour (they were on probation)…so the “good ol’ boys” were also a bit on the bad side, making them more appealing to those watching.

From 1979 thru 1985 (minus the vast majority of the ‘82/’83 season…which was the infamous “Coy & Vance Duke” season), both Tom Wopat and John Schneider were considered pin-ups for the teenage girl set. In addition, cousin Daisy (i.e. Catherine Bach) was famous for…well…nothing, really, other than wearing short shorts and showing off her, ummm, assets.

Everybody in the cast seemed to get their chance in the spotlight, with the evil Boss Hogg and the inept Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane being extremely popular characters, and even the secondary character of Deputy Enos Strate (later Sheriff Enos) getting his own spin-off program once the series ended.

With video games and movie remakes and syndication of the program, the popularity of the Dukes has continued and even grown over time. But if you happen to sit back and watch the show today, you’ll totally understand why it’s considered an all-time guilty pleasure.

Häagen-Dazs

You know you love it.

Häagen-Dazs is the ultimate in ice-cream. From Bailey’s Irish Cream to Vanilla Fudge Brownie, Häagen-Dazs is widely considered to be the ultimate in self-indulgence (at least from an ice-cream perspective).

The company was established in the Bronx, New York back in 1961 with only three basic flavors (vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry) and has continued to grow exponentially into an international ice cream phenomenon. Häagen-Dazs produces not only ice cream, but ice cream bars, sorbet, and frozen yogurt.

The indulgence comes not only in the sense of OH MY GOD THIS IS SO F’ING GOOD, but also from the price. Let’s face it, Häagen-Dazs ain’t the cheapest ice cream in the world…and that only adds to the guilty pleasure of knowing you spent way too much on something oh so good.

If you haven’t indulged, then why not? It may be hard to justify the price tag on something so insignificant as ice cream…but you’ll find it’s worth it in the end.

Slap Chop

You’re gonna love my nuts.

And with that one line, millions of people around the world fell in love with the amazing product known as the Slap Chop.

Okay…maybe it wasn’t just that one line, but it certainly added to the enjoyment of it all.

Let’s face it: you can do everything this product does by simply using a knife. From what I’ve read, the Slap Chop isn’t even that easy to use. So why in the world are they selling these things by the thousands?

I’d say the spokesman, Vince, certainly has a lot to do with it. People seem to want to ignore his run-in with a hooker and just enjoy watching him dice-up an onion without having to remove the skin beforehand.

Hell…the infomercial makes up 75% if the guilty pleasure to begin with.

So whether you order the product online (and receive it’s amazingly small sidekick, The Graty…seen to the left) or purchase it at a local mall, you know that simply WANTING a Slap Chop leaves just a bit of guilt inside of you…and it’s a wonderful feeling.

Afterall, all Vince wants to do is make America skinny one slap at a time, right?